I got more than I bargained for in my first attempt at an Ayurvedic cleanse.
In school for Ayurveda, one of our homework assignments was to try a 3 day kitchari fast. I’m sure most of you know what kitchari is (and perhaps already have a love/hate relationship 🙂 ).
Simply said, the assignment was just to make kitchari three meals of the day, for 3 days.
I couldn’t do it.
I made it through 2. Well, maybe 1 and a half. Maybe I wouldn’t do it.
I had a few fears stopping me. One, I did not trust that I would get enough to eat, and I did not want to lose weight. Two, I was afraid I was going to miss out on something – some social event – over those three days, and I was not going to ‘deprive’ myself of that experience.
The first fear is sort of legitimate. For one, in my first cleanse, I did lose weight and it did not serve me. But HELLO! I was not eating anything but apple juice then. 3 days of kitchari was not going to deplete me – I would be eating 3 meals per day, adding plenty of vegetables, and nourishing, fatty, yummy ghee to my bowl. I would not waste away.
The second is very common, and what I want to expound on here. This fear of missing out on something. What if I was invited to a dinner party? A concert? A farmer’s market? A wedding? I would be missing out on life. There was this feeling of deprivation.
I tried this cleanse over a weekend. I cook to relax, I cook to explore and taste new ingredients, and to interact with natural things. Cooking kitchari seemed so boring to me.
I was rajasic. Not crazy. 😉
The 3 maha gunas, sattva, rajas and tamas, are the way we understand psychology in Ayurveda, and in yoga. These three energies are simply a part of nature, of the universe, that affect all things at one time or another. They are more subtle than the doshas, the gross elements. These 3 energies are constantly shifting in and out of one another – just like we’re constantly shifting our thoughts and state of mind. Well, that is, if we have rajas energy dominating, which most of us do.
Just quickly, sattva is a harmonious energy, it is stillness, expansive, open, and peaceful. Rajas is passion, transition, desire, and change. Tamas is also stillness, but it’s stagnancy, stuckness, ignorance and dullness. We need tamas in order to fall asleep, or to bring tasks to completion. We need rajas to create change, to initiate action. When sattvic, we feel calm, content, and at ease.
When I say I was ‘rajasic’ what I mean is that my body and mind, and my senses were dominated by that type of energy.
In the definition of health in Ayurveda, our senses are very important. Our senses are what become satiated, when we have desires. Yoga is ultimately a practice of contentment – and either fulfilling desires in a way that negates karma, or detaching from those that are causing us disturbance in our mind. In a fully, completely, ‘healthy’ person, our “senses/sense organs, mind and body is full of bliss.” And this blissed out state, this still, calm, peaceful state is synonymous with sattva.
This simple 3 day ‘cleanse’ that I failed to do, gave me a hint that my senses were not full of bliss, and that my mind was not content. I was desirous of more stimulation, more intense flavors, more texture in my mouth. And because I worried that for those 3 days I might miss out on other sensory experiences – I was ignoring the ones right under my nose. Ahem.
But the very fact that I struggled, and that I ‘failed,’ is where the lessons are learned. One: I could sense there was something deeper to learn and benefit from trying again. Two: I was starting from where I was really at – the beginning. Three: My willpower wasn’t very strong.
What is will power?
I recently read an article that expounded on this idea that we must go to extremes, or even hurt our bodies, in order to ‘get better and be better.’ This was mostly in relation to exercise regimes that we push on our bodies, and that can actually do more harm than good. This sort of ‘will-power’ is tamasic. It is ignorance of the body’s pain signals, and stifling of intuition.
Sattvic will-power is cultivated through some rajasic energy, and eventually, becomes so easy one doesn’t even have to try…well, very hard. 😉 In my experience, group support, or guidance, even in the form of books or a distant teacher you trust is necessary, as well as slow, steady, change.
Say I went out for a 3 days cleanse, but only made it through 2 days. My mind my think I’ve ‘failed,’ but I actually spent 2 days eating prana-filled, sattvic foods, and reaped the benefits to mind and body.
Then perhaps I feel it’s a good idea to try it again in a few months. I make it through the three days – perhaps because the taste and feeling of eating kitchari is not entirely new to me, and the weather is more suitable to eating light.
Perhaps over the next 3 months, I eat kitchari when I’m feeling under the weather, or I find the perfect spice blend that makes it more enjoyable. Perhaps I realize I like it cooked with split beans rather than whole, or that I’ve got to use golden beets rather than red. I’m becoming more subtle, and I’m actually feeling empowered by the experience rather than deprived.
I’m ready to go deeper, so I work with a practitioner to dive deeper into my physiology, and learn safe Ayurvedic purging techniques using herbs. I focus more on my self care a daily routine, and I’m not even worried about eating kitchari for 5 or 6 days. Well, maybe day one and two are hard…
Then I was able to give up alcohol for 100 days.
Then I did it again. Then I didn’t want to disturb my body and mind with that stuff at all…and on to the next exploration.
…these little notes reflect my actual story.
So, what’s your experience?
Are you ready for a cleanse? I recommend that for your first time – you start small. Or that you cleanse with friends or a teacher. Unexpected things come up. It’s not all a out WHAT you’re eating. It’s not about torturing yourself. It’s about a more subtle, deep layer of discovery – at risk of sounding cheesy. But hey, I trust you guys, and I know you get me.
Are you ready?
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My 7 day cleanse starts October 12. It’s hard to go it alone – doesn’t my experience show it! Get the most out of a cleanse, and get some support – join us.
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