At the end of my seasonal week-long kitchari cleanse, and as is usual for me near the end of a cleanse, I felt a tangible shift in a positive direction. I did embark on this cleanse earlier in the year than I usually do – late February – for a couple of reasons. One is that my Spring gets very busy leading others through seasonal cleansing so it would get harder to take more time for myself, and the second is that I had been having some skin issues I’d never had before. I needed to step back, take care of agni, get my dinacharya back in line, as well as directly asses this imbalance. (And I saw amazing results, by the way, which I will share with you soon.)
One night towards the end of my most recent cleanse, after teaching a yoga class, I experienced a moment of clarity. It was a rare moment where I was catching transformation in the works. Simply sitting and watching my students in savasana, which I have done hundreds of times before, I could sense my life was changing. In that same instant, or immediately afterward, I felt something like fear, something like the expectation of grieving, as though in this transition I was losing something too.
What might I be losing?
Something felt so right, yet something else inside yells “No!” at the same time, and I simply sit watching over my students, and wait. Is it the ego feeling that it could be losing some of its influence, that is still shouting no to change?
